Relapse
by xX-Afflicted-Xx
Summary: Allen has always had a hard time dealing with what happened with Mana. What happens when someone cruelly throws it in his face? Who will help him come to terms with it once again? After all, everyone needs someone to lean on.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not won DGM, just borrowing it for the time being.

A/N: This is an idea that came to me in the middle of the night, like most of my story ideas. I've only watched the anime, and am currently working on the manga, so I'm sorry if some of the information doesn't match up. Please let me know if I get something wrong!

Prologue

Deep in the confines of the Black Order's main head quarters a young boy tossed a turned frantically in his small bed. His fists rapidly clenched and unclenched as though he wanted to fight but was unable to. Strained whimpers slipped through clamped lips. Tears rain down his feminine face as sweat beaded on his brow. He was lost in his nightmare, one that haunted him for years.

~*~Begin Dream~*~

_Darkness was everywhere, suffocating in its entirety. In the middle of this darkness sat a small boy sat curled in on himself, knees pulled to his chest as he clenched his hands in his hair. He desperately wanted out but he couldn't move in the darkness. A sudden noise caused him the raise his head quickly, eyes frantically searching for the disturbance but also not wanting to know. His eyes quickly found the source, a man in a dark jacket and stripped pants. It was his saving grace as well as his worth nightmare._

"_Why?" the figure demanded._

_Shaking his head rapidly the boy begged, "Please! I didn't mean to! I loved you!"_

"_You killed me Allen! Why!" the man yelled as he slowly started disappearing._

"_Please don't go! Don't leave me alone!" Allen pleaded._

"_I curse you Allen! I CURSE YOU!" the man disappeared entirely._

"_MANA!" Allen screamed._

~*~End Dream~*~

Allen shot upright in bed, a ragged scream caught in his throat. Silver eyes darted around his room, searching the small space but not really seeing anything. His breath came in harsh ragged gulps as tears rolled down his cheeks. His hands clenched in his bed sheets as he fought to ground himself, it was not as though this was the first time he had had this nightmare. But each time it was harder and harder not to believe in the words Mana screamed at him and it was harder to bring himself back to reality.

A sudden knock as his door startled him as his head whipped in that direction, "Allen-kun?"

Clearing his throat, he answered shakily, "Yes Lenalee?"

"It's lunchtime Allen-kun. You slept right through breakfast," she scolded.

Sighing softly, he called out, "I'll be right there, go ahead without me please."

"All right Allen-kun. If you're not there in ten minutes I'll be back," she warned him.

As he heard her soft footsteps retreat down the hall, Allen turned to face the picture on his wall, "Mana… I'm sorry."

Getting out of bed and dressing quickly, Allen sighed again, "A perfect start to a perfect day."

END

A/N: I know it's short, but remember it's just the beginning. I hope you all enjoy the story as it progresses! Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 1: Hurt

Disclaimer: I do not own -man; I just borrowed it to quell my perverted desires.

A/N: Please enjoy the chapter. Any comments are appreciated.

Chapter 1

Hurt

Running a hand through short silver strands, Allen allowed a soft sigh to escape him. Looking in the mirror, he forced a smile upon his face before he frowned a second later. It looked too fake… too put on. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on his usual smile in his mind, piecing it together piece by piece. Finally he opened his eyes to find his well choreographed smile in place; he knew the others would be fooled by it. His eyes still looked a little dark but it would have to do. Straightening his ribbon slightly, Allen headed to the cafeteria.

On his way there, Allen ran into several people but only one stopped him… Lavi.

"Heya bean sprout! Where ya headed?" Lavi asked grinning like an idiot.

"I'm headed to the cafeteria," Allen responded almost too enthusiastically, not wanting anyone to ask questions.

"Hey man, you alright?" Lavi asked concerned.

"Of course, why?" Allen feigned ignorance; he really wasn't in the mood for an interrogation.

"Well… It's nothing! Forget it man, let's go get some grub!" Lavi exclaimed, throwing an arm around the shorter exorcist.

Nodding his head, he responded, "Yeah."

Getting to the cafeteria without further hindrance, Allen could only groan internally at the sight that awaited him. There were only two empty seats in the whole cafeteria with Lenalee… and Kanda, and he looked to be in a particularly bad mood. He noticed Lavi looking at him again with concern but dismissed it. Sighing softly again, Allen smiled harder and made his way to get some food. Not feeling as hungry as usual, he only ordered a few dishes instead of his usual twenty or thirty. Turning from Jerry, he noticed Lenalee waving to him from in front of a disgruntled looking Kanda. He couldn't stop the small groan that escaped him.

"Maybe I should just eat in my room," he whispered to himself.

"Come on man! It aint that bad. I mean, sure Yu is an ass but what's so strange about that! Besides, it isn't like he's gonna do anything to ya!" Lavi explained.

Allen cursed silently for being heard but nodded, "Yeah, you're right."

He hurried to the table and was lucky enough that Lavi understood his wariness about Kanda and his insensitive words and chose to sit beside the brooding samurai. He was in no mood to get into his usual arguments with the man. Kanda hardly looked like he was up to it at moment either.

Sinking gracefully into the seat beside Lenalee, Allen looked over and smiled, "Hey Lenalee."

"Hey Allen. Is… that all you're eating?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah why?" he asked confused.

"Well, it's a little… less than normal, especially after missing breakfast." she stated eyeing him.

Allen opened his mouth to reassure he but Kanda beat him to it, "Good, now I don't have to sit here and watch him eat like the useless swine he is."

Allen closed his eyes and counted to ten even as he heard Lenalee admonish Kanda for his harsh words. The man had always been rude; he didn't truly mean any of his words. He just didn't know how to connect to people. At least, that's what Allen continually told himself, not wanting to take the harsh words to heart.

Opening his eyes, he answered her question like Kanda hadn't even spoken, "I haven't been on any missions lately so I'm not as hungry as I usually am when I have to activate my innocence all the time."

Understanding dawned in her eyes as she nodded, "Of course! I should have guessed. None of us have really had any missions lately."

"Speak for yourself," came the gruff response from across the table.

"Well not all of us are workaholics like you Yu," Lavi teased.

Kanda's glare sharpened, "Don't call me by my given name rabbit."

"Calm down Kanda, you know he only does it to get a response out of you. Once you quit responding, he'll quit nagging you," Allen tried to make peace.

Sadly, Kanda's glare only turned sharper toward him but Lavi intercepted again with more nagging. Allen shot him a grateful look before his attention was once again caught by Lenalee. He didn't like the look of near pity in her eyes.

"Hey Allen, how are you holding up?" she asked concerned.

Tilting his head slightly he feigned innocence though he knew exactly what she was talking about, "What do you mean?"

"Well… About the finder on your last mission. I know that he… didn't make it," she phrased her words carefully.

Allen didn't get to respond before a harsh laugh broke out from across the table, "Oh that's rich. Of course he go someone _killed_ again, he's useless."

Allen's muscles tightened as Lavi spoke, completely serious for once, "Stop it Kanda."

"At least I care when someone dies because of me," Allen whispered.

"Hah, shouldn't you be used to it by now, everyone around you dies," Kanda was especially harsh that afternoon.

"Kanda, that's enough!" Lavi shouted, standing to tower over the samurai.

By now the entire cafeteria had become quiet, pausing to look as the storm brewed around the center table. It was like a dark cloud enclosed the four at the table. They all were curious as to what was going on.

"People die around you too Kanda, but you never seem to care," Allen pointed out softly.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say for Kanda stood quickly and slapped him hand on the table, "At least I don't cause people to die and then bring them back as Akuma!" Everyone inhaled a sharp breath as Allen's eyes widened, but Kanda wasn't done yet, "Mana was your father wasn't he? Yet when he needed you the most you let him die. But then you couldn't stand to be without him and brought him back, only to kill him again. Tell us Allen, how does it feel to have a loved one curse you for your own god damned uselessness!"

The cafeteria was utterly silent, all eyes trained on Allen in disbelief, hardly believing he had raised an akuma. His eyes were haunted and grief stricken, staring at Kanda like he was Allen's own personal hell come to haunt him. He didn't even notice as one stray tear slowly rolled down his cheek. He couldn't speak; words escaped him as pain tore at his heart. Clenching his fist in the fabric over his heart, Allen stood slowly and rushed out of the cafeteria, silence following as he was swallowed by his pain a little more with each step… This was a pain that wouldn't go away, not for a long time…

END

A/N: Poor Allen, I so hate myself right now. Sorry for the short chapter, I will endeavor to make the chapters longer in the future!

**fujoshii92**- I love a good YuuxAllen pairing as well, but I just recently got into CrossxAllen so I decided to write this. This had originally started out as a YuuxAllen when I started writing it a few months ago, but then after this chapter, I was like… Hm… Cross. Lol, anyway, I hope you like the story! Also, thanks for adding the story to your story alert list!

Thanks to the following for adding my story to their lists: **LaLa-In-wAnDeRlAnD**, **HinLove**, **Chu545**, and **silverXshadow**.


	3. Chapter 2: Broken

Disclaimer: I do not own -man, I just like messing with the characters!

A/N: Here is the second true chapter of the story. I hope you all enjoy it ^_^

Chapter 2

Broken

They all watched as Allen nearly ran out of the room. They had never seen such a look on the boy's face before. His eyes were so haunted as he fled. However, their attention soon focused back on the table where it all started.

"God Kanda, can you be any more insensitive!" Lavi screamed at the still seething man.

"Hn," Kanda grunted as he plopped back down on the bench.

"Don't grunt at me Kanda Yu!" Lavi growled, his green eye nearly glowing in anger.

Kanda's eyes widened slightly at the use of his full name before he gazed stoically at the red-haired man, "What? All I stated was the truth."

Lavi's fists shook as he clenched them, "You had no right to say those things to Allen."

"Hn," the samurai exorcist grunted again.

Lavi had enough of the man's nonchalant attitude, hands lashing out to curl around the lapels of Kanda's coat. Allen was his friend and he wouldn't allow for someone to speak to him that way. What Kanda had down was unforgivable.

Slamming the samurai's back into the table, Lavi snarled, "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

Kanda glared at Lavi, "Let go of me."

"No! Do you think Allen wanted anyone to know what happened? That was his secret Kanda! Do you want everyone to know about your lotus!" the bookman apprentice growled.

The stony exorcist's glare intensified, "You wouldn't."

"You're right, I won't. But I should you bastard. You have no idea the pain Allen holds in his heart from his mistake," Lavi raged, angry yet still trying to get the other exorcist to realize what he had done.

"Then he shouldn't have done it," Kanda reasoned.

"He was a kid damn it! Hell, he still is! You are a despicable person Kanda Yu," Lavi nearly whispered as he released the other man from his grip, "Allen is the most kind-hearted person you will ever meet, all he ever wanted was friends and people he could count on. You better not have hurt him too badly Kanda, or I swear, you will regret it."

Lenalee finally made her presence known, standing and slamming her hands down on the table, "Will you two stop this useless bickering? We need to find Allen."

Lavi nodded, as he looked at Kanda, "She's right. And guess what Kanda, you're coming with us."

Kanda went to protest, but then noticed the gleam in both of his comrade's eyes. They wouldn't let him refuse. Grunting softly, he relented, knowing that the sooner the idiot was found, the sooner he could forget the whole thing.

Turning, Lenalee rushed out of the cafeteria with the other two behind her. The finders left in the room slowly glanced around at themselves; unsure of how to handle the information they had been dealt. Deciding to leave it to the other exorcists, they returned to their food.

**xXx**

Kanda, Lenalee, and Lavi searched all over the building for Allen, running in their haste. They checked the bathrooms, the other exorcist's room, and even the roof but there was still no Allen. It was slightly disconcerting at how easily the boy was able to disappear. However, it was even more worrisome that they couldn't find him after the amount of pain they saw in his eyes.

"Where could he be?" Lavi panted as he held himself up against the wall.

"I-I don't k-know Lavi," Lenalee panted, holding herself up on the wall opposite the bookman.

"Tch," Kanda grunted, not even out of breath.

"God this is so annoying. Who knew that the bean sprout could disappear like that," Lavi grumbled, concern leaking into his tone.

Before either of them could say anything else, a golden blur suddenly collided with Lavi's head, knocking the red head down. Opening his eyes with a groan, Lavi could swear he saw seeing stars. Shaking his head, he soon realized that star was Timcanpy.

"Tim!" Lenalee shouted, catching the frantic golem.

Lavi levered himself up off the ground as he approached Lenalee, "Hey Tim, what's wrong?"

Timcanpy fluttered in Lenalee's grasp, beating its wings harder and harder before the female exorcist was forced to let him go. It flew a little ways back up the hallway before turning to face them again, almost as if asking what they were waiting on. Looking at his companions, Lavi shrugged, deciding to follow the golem.

"Do you know where Allen is Tim?" Lavi asked the hovering creature.

Timcanpy opened its mouth, grabbing onto Lavi's sleeve and began pulling on him. The little thing was near frantic in its efforts. Something had obviously worked the little guy up.

"Ok, ok! We're coming!" Lavi grunted as he followed the golden golem.

The golem flew down the hall quickly with three exorcists hot on its tail. Finders and researchers alike flattened against the wall as they saw the others rushing toward them. Only one man, strangely out of his office, stopped them.

"Where are you all off to in a rush?" Komui asked as the others skidded to a stop to avoid running into him.

"We were looking for Allen when suddenly Timcanpy found us," Lenalee explained.

"Looking for Allen? What happened?" Komui asked in curiosity.

"Kanda told the entire cafeteria what happened with Mana," Lavi growled, still not forgetting his anger at the samurai.

The conversation was once again cut short as Timcanpy fluttered frantically in their faces. Opening his mouth once more, he bit Lavi's ear.

"Ouch Tim! What was that for!" Lavi shouted, glaring at the aggressive golem.

It fluttered forward once more, beckoning with its tail for them to follow as Komui spoke, "I think we better follow it."

This time four people quickly followed the creature. It flew rapidly, seemingly wanting to get to its destination as quickly as possible. It only slowed itself so the others could keep up with it. Soon enough, it stopped, hovering before a door.

"This is Allen's room," Komui commented.

Oddly enough they could hear a soft voice from inside that seemed like it was singing. The melody was one they had never heard before, almost haunting. They paused outside the door, almost as it compelled to listen to words of the sad song:

"_And so the boy fell into a deep sleep. The struggling flames lay in the ashes. One by one, rise up and swell into that lovely face. Thousands of dreams float above the Earth. Those dreams… On the night when silver eyes trembled, you were born in a sparkling light. Though hundreds of millions of months and years will pass, no matter how many prayers return to the Earth, I will continue to pray. Please deliver this love. Let us join our hands and kiss… And so the boy fell…_"

It seemed as though the song would continue to repeat itself, sang in that voice devoid of emotions. However, Tincampy decided to fly into the door, making it rattle on its hinges. Getting the point, Lavi flung the door open, none of them prepared to see what was on the other side.

Allen sat on his bed with his arms around his legs and knees pulled to his chest, rocking back and forth. His back was to the door as he stared at the picture on his wall, a clown looking creature carrying a casket. Though others were in his room, he didn't react at all. Still, the sad melody continued to sound in the room.

"Allen?" Lavi asked softly.

There was still no reaction, so Lenalee tried as well, "Allen."

Allen continued sitting there as though he didn't hear them. It was quite disconcerting; the boy had never ignored others before. He just sat there, rocking slowly back and forth.

"Oi! Bean sprout!" Kanda shouted.

Still there was nothing. They all cautiously approached the bed, not wanting to frighten the young boy. When they got close enough they saw Allen's lips moving slowly; he was the one singing.

Komui glanced at Allen's face, before he gasped, "My God."

There set in Allen's face were empty grey eyes, lacking the luster that made them appear silver. He continued to stare at the picture, not aware that anyone was there with him. Tears slowly tailed down his face as the song continued on and on. The others glanced at Allen's face, seeing what shocked their leader.

"W-What's wrong with him?" Lenalee whispered with tears in his eyes.

"Allen! Allen!" Lavi shouted, shaking the boy's shoulders.

Still, Allen continued to sing. He continued to stare at the picture. He continued to ignore them. He was there in body, but his mind was somewhere else.

"What have you done Kanda?" Lavi asked, horrified as he let go of Allen's shoulders and stepped back.

Kanda stared at Allen, his eyes betraying his own horror. Though they constantly fought, it had never escalated this far. He knew that this time he had gone too far.

"Everyone out," Komui ordered, not taking his eyes from the poor boy in front of him.

"B-Brother?" Lenalee asked, not wanting to leave her friend.

"Don't argue with me on this. Go to my office, and don't tell anyone what's happened," Komui's voice left no room for argument.

The exorcists filed out of the room, not daring to argue, and closed the door. Timcanpy drifted over to Allen and softly rested on his head, nuzzling the boy who had become his master.

Komui stared at the broken boy before him as he touched the golden earring* in his ear, "General Cross, can you hear me?"

A gruff voice crackled over the radio, "What the hell do you want Komui?"

"You need to come back to headquarters," Komui ordered.

"And why should I do that?" Cross growled, not liking being ordered around.

"It's your apprentice… There's something wrong with Allen," Komui whispered.

END

*Like the earring Allen wears when he first goes into Noah's Ark after he gets his Innocence back. I know Komui doesn't actually have one, but it's my story so I say he has one.

A/N: I know Cross leaves the Order and cuts off all contact with them but I needed to have some way to contact him so I made the earring communication device fit my needs. I hope no one objects.

**Naruta13-** I actually felt kind of bad for making Kanda such an ass. I actually haven't read the new chapter yet, I am still in the beginning (I am anal retentive and have to read the whole thing so I don't miss anything) so I don't know what you are referring to. I hope you continue to enjoy the story! Please let me know what you think :D

**PerrythePlatypus-** Thank you, I'm glad that you like it. I cried a little when writing it, I felt so bad for hurting Allen and for making Kanda such a meanie. However, it was needed so I bucked up and wrote it. I felt the same thing with Cross/Allen, there needs to be more! So that's why I decided to write one :D I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Chapter 3: Cross's Return and Anger

Disclaimer: I do not own -man!

A/N: And here is the next chapter, there is some explicit language in this chapter. Just thought I'd warn you. Anyway, please enjoy.

Chapter 3

Cross's Return and Anger

Cross Marian grumbled as he stalked up to the door that led into the Black Order's main headquarters. He had been in an intense _embrace_ with a lovely young woman from China when Komui just had to interrupt his fun. He swore to all that was sacred, alcohol and women, that if his idiot apprentice wasn't dying, he was going to be. How dare that damn Komui order him around like he was a little lap dog? He didn't even tell him what was wrong his apprentice, just that there was something wrong. Then he had cut communications, not even responding to Cross's attempts to call him back.

Though he had to admit, he was slightly curious as to why Komui had called him. He was sure that Komui knew he had cut ties with his idiot apprentice in India. He was also sure that he told the idiot scientist only to call for him if there were an emergency; he had an important mission to accomplish. Cross couldn't be running to his apprentice's aid every time the kid stubbed his toe.

Cross stopped before the gate keeper as it sounded its examination. He really wished he could shoot the damn thing, but sadly his gun only worked on akuma. Honestly, to gain entry to the Order was such a hassle.

Though it took a few moments, the door finally opened, only to reveal Komui. Cross grinned at that, at least he didn't have to hunt the man down to kill him. However, the serious look in Komui's eyes made him do a slight double take; the man was known for his silliness.

"I'm glad you've come," Komui addressed the general.

"Tch," Cross grunted, "Like I had a choice, you wouldn't tell me a damn thing about what's going on."

"True, but I needed you to come… You know Allen better than anyone," the scientist responded.

"What the hell has the idiot done this time?" Cross grumbled, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

Komui turned and walked further into headquarters, "I don't know how to explain it, which is why I didn't tell you anything further. Some… things were said to young Allen in the cafeteria a few days ago… and he hasn't been the same since."

"You mean to tell me you called me here because the idiot got his feelings hurt!" Cross demanded.

Komui glanced over his shoulder but continued walking, "I don't think it's something a frivolous as his feelings this time General."

Cross grabbed Komui's shoulder and turned his around, "I am tired of playing your games, just tell me what's going on."

"We know that you found Allen shortly after he turned his adoptive father, Mana Walker, into an akuma. Though we had endeavored to keep that information a secret, someone found out. A few days ago, in the cafeteria, one of the other exorcists brought it up in… quite a harsh way. Ever since, he's been in his room staring at the painting on his wall… He won't talk to anyone, won't even react to their presence. All he does is sing… It's a song I've never heard of."

"Shit!" Cross cursed as he pushed Komui out of his way and stormed down the hall.

Komui quickly caught up to him, "Where are you going?"

"Where do you think?" Cross growled.

"What's wrong with him?" Komui asked, wanting an answer.

"I'll tell you later. Just get me to his room," the general demanded.

Komui nodded and once more took the lead, traversing the maze known as headquarters. In a matter of minutes, they were in the hallway leading the boy's room. Komui pulled up short as he noticed Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda standing before the door.

"I thought I told you to stay away from here," the black-haired man said.

"But brother, we were worried," Lenalee protested.

Cross moved around the supervisor and went to walk up to the door when Lenalee suddenly stepped in front of him, "Please General Cross, you cannot go in there."

The red haired general glared at the girl in front of him, tired of being stalled, "Lenalee… If you don't move from in front of that door, you're going through it."

Everyone gasped at the blatant threat. Sure, the general was never the nicest person in the world, but he had never threatened anyone within headquarters. Kanda and Lavi stepped up beside Lenalee to protect her.

"It's alright everyone, I called General Cross here," Komui explained.

"But why! You know how Allen feels about him times with his master," Lavi protested.

Seeing Cross's eyes narrow more, Komui ordered them, "Let General Cross through the door. If anyone knows what's wrong with Allen, he will."

The three reluctantly stepped to the side, allowing Cross to step up to the door. He paused a second with his hand on the door knob, before throwing the door open. As he stepped inside, he realized that Komui was right, there was something wrong with his idiot apprentice. That's when Cross heard the song, and his eyes widened; Allen hadn't sung that song for over four years.

"…_On the night when silver eyes trembled, you were born in a sparkling light. Though hundreds of millions of months and years will pass, no matter how many prayers return to the Earth, I will continue to pray. Please deliver this love. Let us join our hands and kiss… And so the boy fell…_" Allen's voice was slightly hoarse, but still he continued to sing.

"How long has he been doing this?" Cross demanded.

"For… about 3 days sir… He never stops, just keeps repeating it… I don't think he's even slept," Lenalee whispered.

Stepping up to Allen, he took in his apprentice's condition. His clothes were rumpled from sitting in one position for too long. He was entirely too pale and had dark circles under his eyes. It was his eyes that worried Cross the most; the dull lifeless gray that reminded him of the night he found Allen.

Resting his forehead in his palm, Cross cursed again, "Shit."

"What's wrong will him?" Komui asked.

But Cross ignored him, as he seethed, "Who was it?"

"What?" Komui inquired, slightly confused.

"Damn it Komui! Who opened their fucking mouth!" Cross yelled.

When they all looked at Kanda, who looked down, he had his answer. Suddenly Cross had Kanda pinned to the wall of Allen's room, cracking the bricks slightly from the force. All the others gasped at his sudden movements.

"General Cross!" Komui yelled, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Do you… have any idea… what you've done?" Cross growled in the samurai's face, his crimson eye flashing in anger.

Green light began to crackle around Cross as his anger increased, his innocence reacting to his emotions. Everyone stared at the general in astonishment, never having seen him this upset before.

"I… don't," Kanda heaved after having the wind knocked out of him.

Cross slammed Kanda harder into the wall, cracking it more, "You fucking imbecile!"

"Please General Cross… Could you let Kanda go?" Komui asked instead of ordering.

With a snarl, the general released the samurai, allowing the man to slide to the ground as Lenalee rushed over to him. Stepping back, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, trying to calm himself.

"Please, tells us what's wrong with Allen," Lavi whispered.

"He's relapsed," Cross muttered.

"Relapsed?" Komui repeated, confused.

Gesturing to the still singing boy on the bed, Cross explained, "This is how I found him four years ago… Beside Mana Walker's grave."

"What do you mean?" for all his scientific intelligence, Komui was lost.

Glaring at Kanda, who was still on the ground, he growled, "His mind's broken."

"Broken!" Lavi shouted, eye wide.

Sighing, he walked over and sat beside Allen while drawing on his cigarette, "My idiot apprentice never got over what he had done to his adoptive father. I suppose you could say he's haunted by it. He's never forgiven himself… What exactly was said?"

It was then that Timcanpy revealed itself, fluttering up from Allen's lap. Opening its mouth, it showed Cross exactly what happened three days ago. Tim showed Allen twisting and turning in his bed, mumbling and sweating profusely. It showed the tears on Allen's cheeks as he screamed Mana's name before waking up. Then the recording went to Allen standing before a mirror, a fake smile on his face and a haunted look in his eyes as he got ready for the day. Then it skipped to the cafeteria as Allen reluctantly sat down at the table with Lenalee and Kanda. Before, Cross's eyes, he saw Kanda speak, or yell, the words that would hurt Allen the most: _of course he go someone __killed__ again, he's useless, everyone around you dies, I don't cause people to die and then bring them back as Akuma, Mana, how does it feel to have a loved one curse you for your own god damned uselessness._ After that, it showed Allen sitting where he was now as his eyes faded to a dull gray before his lips started to move as he sang the sad melody. Then Timcanpy closed its mouth before floated down to nuzzle at Allen's cheek.

Cross clenched his fists as he absorbed what he had just seen. Allen had managed to put his past behind him for four years, but it was for naught. With a few careless words, the young boy's world had come crashing down around him.

"I didn't know," Kanda finally muttered, "I just wanted someone to feel as bad as I did that day… I didn't realize…"

"Well congratulations Kanda, you successfully made him feel _worse_ than you ever could!" Cross shouted, standing and making his way Kanda once more, "You never stop and think before you open your damn mouth, everything is always about you!"

"General Cross… maybe we should take care of Allen first?" Komui suggested, seeing that another fight was about to break out.

Glaring at Kanda, he promised, "This is not over, not by a long shot."

Kanda nodded, his eyes resigned. He knew the general before him. Though generally laid paid, if you pissed him off, there was always hell to pay. Glancing at Allen, he knew for all the general's pretenses, the young boy was important to him.

Cross also saw the resignation in Kanda's eyes. Good, it was time the young samurai took responsibility for his actions for once. Nodding to Kanda, he walked over to the bed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered so no one else would hear him but Allen.

Drawing his hand back, Cross brought it down to land across Allen's cheek. The young boy's head snapped to side with a resounding crack. Silence reigned for a few moments, even the haunting melody had quit.

"What the hell Cross!" Lavi shouted, moving to go forward.

Komui grabbed Lavi's arm, stopping his progress, "General?"

However, Cross paid them no mind. His attention was focused solely on the boy before him. Said boy turned his head back to look at Cross, a small spark flashing in his eyes before dying once again. The recognition was there in Allen's eyes, if only for a few seconds.

"… Master…" Allen whispered hoarsely before his eyes slipped closed and he fell over on his bed.

END

A/N: At least Allen recognizes his Master :D But believe me, they're not out of the woods yet! Yes, Kanda is slightly more emotional in this fic, but that's because he's realized he's done something bad/wrong. I hope no one objects :D I hope you all enjoyed the chapter.

**fujoshii92**- Of course! Our lovely Cross Marian to the rescue! In this chapter he is a little… irritated. Ok, that's an understatement, he's pissed lol. At least he put Kanda in his place. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you think!

**Naruta13**- A broken Allen is fun to play with. There are so many possibilities :D As for the new chapter of the manga, sadly I am only on chapter 33 at the moment, it's slow progress considering everything I'm trying to get accomplished lol. I hope you liked the chapter :D

**Joybug**- Yep, Lavi put Kanda is his place. Now, Cross has done the same thing and it's not over yet! I promise, there will be more punishment for the pigheaded samurai! Cross will get Allen back, hopefully :D I can't give too much away :( That would ruin the story! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

**18plusForMe**- Here is the next chapter for you so you get to know what happens next! Yay! I hope you enjoyed it :D

**Allen 'Dango Sticks' Walker**- I know! Kanda is such a jerk! But at least he got told off twice! And I promise the punishment for Kanda isn't over yet :D There will be more pain for the samurai! Here is the next chapter! I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think!


	5. Nightmares and Stitches

Disclaimer: I do not own -man.

A/N: Alright, here is the next chapter. The last time we parted, Cross had shown up and delivered some tough love to Allen as well as some harsh words to Kanda. I hope you are all enjoying the story. Now, onto the chapter!

Chapter 4:

Nightmares and Stitches

Cross exhaled heavily, a stream of smoke passing through his lips. It had been several hours since his apprentice had fallen asleep and he showed no signs of waking anytime soon. While it angered Cross that he had to wait on the idiot, he understood that the boy had been awake for nearly three days so he was entitled to some sleep.

Glancing up from his seat on the bed beside his apprentice, he took in the other four residents of the room. Ever since Allen had shown some signs of returning to normal, they had all insisted that they stay. Kanda has taken up residence against the far wall from the bed while Komui, Lenalee, and Lavi sat in a line against the wall perpendicular to the bed. Cross snorted softly, he had the feeling that them staying was also due to the fact that he had hit the idiot. They were situated around the room in various places, getting some rest while they could. Cross had decided to stay awake to keep an eye on Allen. At least it wasn't completely dark as Komui had gone to retrieve some candles before they went to sleep.

"How is he doing General?" Komui asked softly, careful not to wake the others.

Glancing down, he took in Allen's peaceful countenance before he snorted once again, "He's still out… Probably will be for awhile."

"Why did you hit him?" Lavi spoke, his eye still closed.

A frown crossed the general's face, "Why do you care?"

Lavi's eye opened to look in the general's eyes, "Allen is my friend, and his wellbeing is my concern."

Cross's frown deepened, "Do you care as his friend or as the Bookman?" Seeing Lavi about to answer, Cross interrupted him, "Think about it before you answer."

Lavi's brow furrowed for a few seconds before he smiled, "Both. Allen Walker is my friend and comrade. To record the actions of the Destroyer of Time is my duty as a Bookman."

"Tch, very well spoken Bookman. However, what I'm about to tell you is for your 'friend' ears only. This does not get recorded in any of those books. Do you understand?" Cross growled, lighting another cigarette.

Lavi nodded, "This conversation never happened."

Cross grinned, "Good answer."

"Now why did you hit Allen?" Lavi asked once more.

Cross exhaled slowly, "Physical pain is his grounding point… Back in the beginning, he was like… a doll. He was there but he wasn't, basically like he was earlier. For the first year, he sang that song, he didn't speak otherwise. It was a song that Mana Walker sang to him as a child. One night, after hearing that song for weeks on end I lost my temper… And I hit him. He seemed to… come around after that."

"How often have you hit him?" Komui asked the general warily.

The general's eyes narrowed at the scientist, "As often as he needed it."

"How often is that?" Komui asked, obviously not satisfied with the vague answer.

"What are you, his mother?" Cross scoffed.

"How many times Cross!" Lavi growled.

"Roughly two or three times a year… Mostly around Christmas," Cross grumbled.

"Why Christmas?" Lavi asked curiously.

"You obviously don't know him as well as you thought if you don't know that. Christmas is the time that Mana Walker both found him and the day that he died," Cross explained.

"So that's why he disappears around Christmas," Lenalee whispered, finally speaking up, "Why wouldn't he let us help him?"

"He probably didn't want to worry us," Komui comforted his sister.

"Tch," Cross scoffed, "You all try to find the best solution for everything."

"What do you mean?" Lenalee asked.

"The bean sprout didn't trust us," Kanda mumbled from his position against the wall.

"That isn't true!" Lenalee protested.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Cross wondered, "What happened when the information about Mana got out? He was ridiculed for his mistake. He was right not to the trust the lot of you."

"He trusted us more than you think," Lavi tried to deny, "He was always courteous, always tried to help, and he always put himself in danger if it meant helping us."

Cross laughed softly, "That's not trust, that's just who he is. He never told you about Mana, he never would have. You never would have known if you didn't somehow come across the information. You also say that he hated his time with me? Tch, I bet you don't even know what went on as his time as my apprentice."

"What do you mean?" Lenalee asked, wanting to know more.

Cross's eyes narrowed once more, "If he didn't tell you, I sure as hell won't. It's none of you business."

Lenalee and Lavi went to protest at that but a soft rustling broke the silence. All their eyes turned to the bed, thinking that Allen has woken up. However, his eyes were still closed, he was just moving around.

Cross pinched the bridge of his nose, "Shit."

"What is it?" Lavi demanded to know.

"Ma…na," a soft voice whispered brokenly.

Cross sighed, putting his cigarette out in the ashtray he had requested. Standing, he removed his jacket and put it on the bed. He then rolled the sleeves of his shirt up. Tying his fire red hair back in a band, he went to stand by the bed as though waiting for something.

"What are you doing General?" Komui asked as he too rose.

"Stay back," Cross growled, his eyes not leaving the silver-haired boy on the bed.

The others, aside from Kanda, all waited with bated breath. They had no idea why Cross wasn't letting them near the bed. They all wanted to help the youngest member of their organization. Unwillingly, they let Cross take the lead.

Allen continued to shift uneasily on the bed. His once peaceful face was now twisted into a look of pain as sweat beaded on his brow. Tears slowly began to roll down his cheeks and into his hair. However, Cross still didn't move; he just kept a watchful eye on Allen's movements.

"Ma…na… N-o… I'm… so-rry," Allen whimpered, a deep pain in his voice.

"Allen," Lenalee whispered, her heart going out to the boy.

Suddenly Allen screamed, the sound echoing in the room, as he arched off the bed. His hand flew up to his face, clawing at the scar on his face. It was then that Cross acted, throwing a leg over Allen's hips, pinning his lower half down with his body weight, as his hands went up to pin Allen's arms to the bed.

"MANA!" Allen screamed again, arching up against Cross.

"Cross!" Lavi asked, eye wide.

"Shut up and stay out of it!" Cross growled.

Tears continued to roll down Allen's cheeks as he whimpered, tugging on his arms and trying to arch off the bed. Blood joined Allen's tears from the scratches on his face. He muttered incoherently for several seconds.

"For-give me… Mana!" Allen whimpered, head tossing from side to side.

Cross leaned down as he whispered in Allen's ear, "It's ok… He forgives you."

"M-an-a… Stop!" Allen sobbed.

"You're safe… Mana can't hurt you anymore… It's ok… Allen," Cross whispered, wincing slightly as he realized that his reputation was shattered to those still in the room.

"Why… Mana?" Allen muttered, "Mana!"

"Allen! Snap out of it!" Cross shouted.

"M-M-Marian," Allen sighed before crying out in pain once more, "Stop!"

"I've got you Allen… You're safe… I've got you," Cross whispered in Allen's ear, ignoring the use of his first name, "I won't let them hurt you anymore."

Allen sighed once more, seemingly calming down, "Marian."

Allen then went slack in Cross's grip, his face smoothing out. Cross breathed a relieved sigh. Glancing back at the others, he noticed them all standing there, eyes slightly wide. However, he could also see the questions in their eyes.

Moving to let go of his apprentice, he was stopped as a hand was clenched around one of his wrists. Growling in irritation, he used his other hand to pry Allen's hand free. Grunting softly, he heaved himself up off the bed and onto his feet. However, as soon as he was away from the boy, the whimpering started once again.

Cross sighed once again, "Idiot apprentice."

Sitting back down, he cursed internally as he realized his reputation would soon be ruined completely. As the whimpers increased in volume, he figured to hell with it. Reaching out, he pulled the young boy into his lap. Once there, Allen quieted once more, clenching his master's white shirt in his hands. Glancing up, he noticed the other's eyes had widened more.

"What?" Cross growled.

"Nothing!" they all chorused, excluding Kanda who just looked away.

"That's what I thought," Cross huffed.

Lavi scratched the back of his head, "Soooo… You seem familiar with this."

Cross's eyes traced the lines of Allen's face, "I've done it for over three years." Then his eyes landed on the still bleeding scratches, "I need a med kit."

Lenalee rushed to the desk situated in the room. Pulling open drawer after drawer, she finally sounded her success as she pulled out the white box. Rushing over to Cross, she gasped as she saw the deep gouges on Allen's cheek and eye.

Holding a hand over her mouth, tears sprang to her eyes, "Oh Allen."

"The med kit Lenalee," Cross huffed, holding out his hand.

"Oh! Of course, do you need anything else?" Lenalee asked as she handed over the white kit.

"Some warm water," Cross mumbled as he began opened the med kit and taking out all the things he would need.

Lenalee nodded and ran into the bathroom off to the side of the bedroom. Turning the faucet on, she tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the water to warm up. As she did, she let her mind wander.

What Cross had told them had made her heart clench. She had trusted Allen with so much, with how she came to be at the organization and how she felt about it. It hurt to think that he didn't share important things with her. Now that she thought back on it, Allen barely talked about his life before coming to the order. If he happened to mention it, he always got that haunted look in his eyes before he covered it up with a smile. The only way that Kanda knew about Mana Walker was the fact that she overheard the Millennium Earl taunting Allen about it and she had told the samurai. A tear rolled down her cheek as she realized that Allen probably had a good reason not to trust them. She had broken that trust before she even realized she had it.

"Lenalee, I think the water is hot enough," Lavi spoke from beside her, causing her to jump slightly.

"Oh, Lavi! Sorry, I got lost in thought," she stated as she looked at the steaming water running down the drain as she wiped away the stray tear.

Lavi shot her a smile, "It's ok, I guess we all have a lot to think about."

She nodded gratefully to the bookman as she turned some cold water on as she put the small plastic basin under the faucet. Once that was full, she handed it to Lavi with a tilt of her head, signaling that he was to take it back into the room. Once he was gone, she grabbed some towels and a couple washcloths before following him.

Cross nodded his head as he took the supplies for the two exorcists and set them beside him on the bed. Timcanpy fluttered over to grab a washcloth before dropping it in the basin. Cross grunted to the golden golem before he took the now wet washcloth and began to gently rub it against the scratches. Allen hissed softly, burying his head in the general's chest. Cross held Allen's chin gently in his other hand as he continued cleaning the scratches on his face.

"Do you need anything else?" Lenalee asked softly, slightly in awe at the general's gentleness.

Glancing up, he jerked his head to the side, "Do you know how to thread a needle?"

Lenalee frowned as she shook her head. It was never something she had to learn, there was always someone to fix her up when she got injured.

Surprisingly Kanda stepped forward, "I do."

"Then do it," Cross mumbled, tossing one washcloth to floor to pick up the other that Timcanpy had dropped in the bowl.

Kanda nodded as he stepped forward, picking up the needle and stitching thread from the bed. Squinting slightly, he pushed the thread through the hole before tying it in the eye of the needle. Then he quickly cut off the other end with the small scissors that came with the kit. Suddenly Timcanpy was in his face, holding a golden lighter in its teeth. Taking the lighter, he expertly lit it and held the needle over the flame, sterilizing it before it would go into Allen's skin.

"It's done," Kanda told the general.

Holding the washcloth to Allen's face to keep pressure on the wounds, he glanced around at the others, "There are two ways we can do this. One, I can hold him down while someone puts the stitches in. Truthfully, not my favorite options as I've done this before. Second, someone else can hold him while I put in the stitches."

Again, Kanda surprised them all by volunteering, "If you hold him down, I can do the stitches."

Cross's eyes narrowed, "Why should I trust you?"

Kanda stared at the floor looking uncomfortable, "Look at it as me trying to make amends."

Cross nodded, "Alright, I'll hold him like this. If you kneel, you should be able to reach his face properly. Timcanpy _glíscere_." Timcanpy suddenly became twice his size with four little arms, "Grab a candle Tim, and hold it by Allen's face."

Timcanpy fluttered over to one of the various candles in the room, slower due to its larger size. Stretching out two little arms, it grasped the candle firmly before fluttering back over to the bed. Plopping itself on the bed, Timcanpy rolled slightly until the candle light hit Allen's face at just the right angle. Cross nodded to Tim as he dropped the washcloth to the floor, placing a clean one in the bowl in case it was needed.

"Alright, now make stitches about three centimeters apart. The two on the right side of his right cheek don't need stitches but everything else does. Roughly estimating, he probably needs 15 stitches on his cheek and 4 on his eyebrow," Cross spoke, his eyes scanning the sleeping boys face.

"Alright," Kanda nodded.

"If you mess up, I will hurt you," Cross snarled, eyes boring into Kanda's.

Kanda nodded slowly, realizing the general was serious, "What happens if he wakes up?"

"He won't. I've done this four other times and he's never woken up. Just do it. Ignore everything else and get the job done," Cross advised, gently yet firmly holding Allen's chin in his hand as he wrapped his other arm around Allen's upper body.

"Ignore what?" Lenalee asked softly.

Cross glanced at her and then sighed, realizing there was no reason to hide the truth, "Ignore his screams."

"Screams? Is it going to hurt him that badly?" Komui asked warily.

"He won't be screaming in pain," Cross sighed, then looked at Kanda, "Get started."

Kanda nodded before taking a deep breath. Making sure his hands were steady, he pinched the skin of Allen's face together gently, in a roundabout way trying to make up for his harshness a few days ago. Allen hissed but otherwise didn't move. Looking up at Cross and receiving a nod, pushed the needle through both sides of the cut in a well-practiced move.

Allen arched in Cross's grasp, trying to get away from Kanda's hand. He tried to turn his head but Cross's hand kept his head from moving too far. Distressed whimpers feel from Allen's lips as his brows furrowed.

Kanda's eyes narrowed as he focused on his task, trying to get it done as quickly as possible. Quickly looping the thread through itself, he tied the knot off and clipped the excess string with the scissors.

"Stop!" Allen screamed in a terror-filled voice.

Kanda's hand faltered before Cross growled, "Ignore it!"

"Mana please! I'm sorry!" Allen cried, tears once more rolling down his cheeks.

Kanda forced himself to block out Allen's whimpers, focusing on the job at hand. After repeating the process, he laid the needle and thread down to pick up the washcloth in the basin. Once he had wiped the fresh blood and tears from Allen's face, he picked the needle back up and resumed his work.

"Please! No more!" Allen cried, "I'm sorry!"

As Kanda worked on Allen's face, Cross focused his attention on keeping him still. The next concern he had to tackle was keeping the boy calm. Though he had listened to this for over two years, it was still hard to stand. The young boy in his arms had experienced far too much pain for his young years.

"Marian!" Allen screamed in desperation.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," Cross whispered in his ear. "It's ok… Calm down, no one wants to hurt you."

"M-Marian," Allen whimpered, still struggling slightly.

"Tell me you're almost done," Cross demanded of Kanda.

"Three more," Kanda muttered.

"Hurry," Cross nearly pleaded, resting his forehead against the clammy one before him.

Snipping the last of the thread, Kanda stood back as he wiped the slight traces of sweat from his brow, "Finished."

"Thank God," Cross mumbled as he kept his hold on Allen.

"Marian," Allen whimpered once more, holding on to the general's shirt more tightly.

"It's ok kid, I got you," Cross soothed before he looked up at Kanda, "Get me the gauze pads and tape."

After carefully taping the bandages on Allen's face, Cross tried to lay the boy back in the bed. However, Allen wasn't willing to release his hold on his master just yet, whimpering and struggling whenever he was away from the red-haired man. In the end, Cross ended up sitting against the wall at the top of Allen's bed with the white-haired youth's head in his lap. The boy was still a little restless so Cross gently carded his fingers through his hair as he relaxed against the wall with closed eyes.

"Um… General?" Komui spoke up once more.

Cross opened one eye to glare at the head scientist as he growled, "No more questions tonight. Just leave it be for now. I don't know about you but I could use some sleep… You should all head back to your rooms and do the same."

"What about Allen?" Lenalee questioned softly.

"If there are any changes, I'll let you know. Now get out," Cross grunted as he closed his eye and relaxed once again.

Komui shushed Lenalee and Lavi as they went to protest, no doubt the two wanting to stay with the youngest exorcist, but Komui knew that the general was reaching the end of his rope. They were lucky that the man had let them stay and help as long as he had. It was time for them to let Allen in the quite capable hands of his Master.

"Good night General Cross," Komui bowed slightly before shutting the door.

Cross sighed as he was finally left alone with his apprentice. If had had the option, they wouldn't have been in the room for what they had witnessed. He knew that his apprentice was of the private kind, and he wouldn't appreciate his weakest moments being on display for all to see. However, at the time it had been unavoidable.

Running a hand over his face, he look down at the peaceful face on his lap, "Come back whole this time, there are a lot of people waiting for you over here… Don't do this to me again kid…"

To Be Continued

A/N: Aw, poor Allen, suffering from nightmares :( Good thing Cross was there to help! Even if he was a little OOC… But I like the "hard-ass can be compassionate at times" Cross :)

Wow, it has been forever since I last updated. Gomen! I won't promise regular updates now that I'm recovered but I promise to update at least once a month (I'm taking 6 classes at school this semester and they're killing me -_-).

Anyway! A big "THANK YOU" to all those who continued to support me while I was gone. It means so much to me that you all care so much :D

I hope you enjoy the chapter! Please let me know what you think!


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